Fan of the Month!

Blogworld: I've got good news and bad news.

The bad news: it's January.  This means the holiday season is over, the football season is nearly over, and we've got a long winter of short days and dark nights ahead.  I dread January and February so much--and the kind of stir-crazy behavior they induce--I wrote a song about them.  I'm on record: January kind of sucks.

The good news: it's a new year! And if you want to get technical, it's a new decade.  I've always been a big believer in arbitrarily assigned beginnings and undeserved blank slates.  Paradoxically, the bleakest months make me more hopeful.  Optimism abounds.  In January, I buy in.

So, what better way to start the new year than with a Fan of the Month who's always cheerful and optimistic?  We need a FOM who keeps a sunny disposition even in the grayest of days.  Thankfully, I know just the gal...

Meet January 2011's Fan of the Month, Jennifer in Richmond!

(As always, if you'd like to be a future FOM, just drop me a line with "Fan of the Month" in the subject.  I promise every email is read and much appreciated.)

Name?
Jennifer/J-Rizzle.

Age? 
29.

Where y'at?
Richmond, VA.

Something the average interweb browser wouldn't know about me is…? 
I enjoy de-fuzzing sweaters with a sweater shaver.

The music scene in Richmond is...? 
Lacking Chris Milam.

Whatcha do for a living? 
Pharmacist/Photographer.

(Editor's Note: Full disclosure: Jennifer is the photographer who did all of Leaving Tennessee's artwork--including the picture to the left.  She's great--check her out!)

When was the last time you ate at Burger King? 
I think it was the BK in the Rockefeller Center subway station in December 2004.

You have one meal left in life but it has to be fast food.  You can pick and choose different items from different joints.  Name that meal! 
This is not so much a meal (I would explode) as it is a list of my favorite things, but I'll say CrepeMaker's Raspberry Chicken crepe and True Bleu crepe, Chik-fil-A chicken biscuit, Wendy's fries dipped in a Frosty, and a Cherry-Limeade from Sonic.

What's a CrepeMaker?  Is it American?
It's an Americanized French cafe franchise that serves about 50 different type of entree and dessert crepes.  It's amazing.  You must try it.  I think the only one in the Memphis area is at Carriage Crossing in Collierville (I heard the one downtown closed).  They also have them in California, New Jersey, Florida, and inside the Philly train station. 

(Editor's Note: You guessed it: Chris's blog is now sponsored by CrepeMaker.)

You're the second FOM to detail dipping fries in a Frosty.  I've asked around: supposedly this is a common thing.  How is it possible I've never seen this before?  Not even once?
I don't know that I've actually ever seen anyone do it either.  I started doing it as a kid, but only if we went through the drive-thru.  I didn't know other people did it until hearing people talk about it many years later.  I've still never had the courage to do it in the restaurant, though.  You really should give it a try.  It's best when the fries are crisp and hot.  It's a fantastic combination of sweet and salty, and hot and cold.

You have one meal left in life, period.  Name that meal!
Old Venice bread and olive oil and their amazing four-cheese pizza.

What music publications/blogs/sites do you read? Any of them good?
Other than ChrisMilam.com, nada.

(Editor's Note: Aw, shucks ma'am, you sure do know how to flatter an editor!)

Pick your dream concert. Any three (living) artists, anywhere, any venue, any month, any time of day. What is it? What's it called?   
Cory Branan, Lucero, and Ryan Adams at the National in Richmond, VA, in October.  I need help with a name.  Any suggestions?

(Chris's Note: How about "Somebody's Darlings"?  Sponsored by No Depression magazine and 75 whiskey companies?  I'd fear for Ryan Adams' sobriety if he had to share a bill with Lucero and Cory Branan.)

You can pick one album as your morning alarm for a year.  The songs and their “wake-up” segments will shuffle randomly, but you are stuck with this album for a full year.  What is it?
Well, I've had JT's Future Sex/Love Sounds CD in my alarm for over a year now.  I'm a little embarrassed by that.  Is that normal?

I'd guess that JT's Future Sex/Love Sounds is more normal as a wake-up call than we think.  Nothing to be embarrassed about.  The question: does your husband ever get annoyed that JT inserts himself into the bedroom every morning?
Well he's usually not around when JT sings to me.  He's at work by 6:00AM, and JT starts chiming in around 7:00.

If you could fight any public figure, who would it be and why? 
I've never been in a fight, so I'm not sure if my tae-bo skills from college would help me or not.  If you could guarantee a win, then I'd say the entire cast of Jersey Shore because they're completely ridiculous.  If it's a fair fight, then I'm sure I would be fist-pumped to death and would need to choose someone smaller to pick on.  I can't think of anyone smaller than me that I'd like to punch at the moment.

I cannot guarantee you victory over any member of the Jersey Shore cast.  Have you seen those people?  JWoww is essentially an amateur female wrestler!  Your best bet is lobbing rocks/10-cent words at Snooki from a step-ladder.  And even then JWoww would think she's in a ladder-match and jump in.  I guess my question is: do you have a background in professional wrestling?
No, just competitive cheerleading.  When I first read your question, I was thinking of who I'd like to punch in the fact and not actually fight.  In hindsight, not the best choice.

Fill in the blanks!

Five favorite artists from the 60's are…? 
Otis Redding, Etta James, The Beatles, Elvis, Johnny Cash.

Five favorite artists from the 90's are…?
Pearl Jam, Live, Dave Matthews, Salt-N-Pepa, Aerosmith.

Five favorite artists from the 2000's are…?
Dixie Chicks, Ryan Adams, Lucero, Cory Branan, Nelly.

Some more singer/songwriters I love are… ?
Chris Milam, Alicia Keys, Norah Jones.

....is my favorite Beatle. 
George.

...is my favorite adjective in the English language.
Saucy.

Know any adjectives from other languages? 
Bon.

(Editor's Note: This is French for either "good," "intolerable at soccer games," or "cheese-filled."  I can't remember.)

...is my favorite month of the year.
October.

Favorite wrongly-heard song lyric is...? (e.g. "Excuse me while I kiss this guy...") 
R.E.M. "Losing My Religion."  I used to think it was "I'm sad too much" instead of "I've said too much."

(Editor's Note: In fairness, those two mean pretty much the same thing in most R.E.M. songs.  And that's Reason #281 why I love Michael Stipe.)

Favorite rock album of the 2000's?
Lucero, Tennessee.

Favorite non-rock album of the 2000's?
Dixie Chicks, Home.

Favorite movie (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Forrest Gump & Tommy Boy.  I can pretty much quote both movies in their entireties.  That's all I have to say about that.

Favorite TV show (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Comedy: The Office.  Drama: Ed.

Ed was awesome, but few people know about it.  Care to give three reasons you love Ed to the uninitiated?
So Ed is the story of an NYC lawyer who loses his job over a misplaced comma and catches his wife cheating on him with the mailman on the same day.  He packs up and moves to his hometown of Stuckeyville, Ohio, reconnects with his old high school friends, buys a bowling alley, and runs his law practice out of it. 

Three reasons I love this show:
1) Its quirky humor and faced-paced dialogue (the $10 bets were hilarious)
2) Great cast (including Tom Cavanagh, Julie Bowen, Justin Long, and Ginnifer Goodwin)
3) Awesome music

I'm hoping that one day it will actually be released on DVD/Blu-Ray/whatever-the-format-will-be-20-years-from-now, because it may actually take that long.

Rank these items in order of awesomeness: Otis Redding, snow days, New Years Eve, red (the color), Red (the guy's name), the First Amendment,  chocolate sprinkles, Frederick Douglas.
1) Frederick Douglas
2) The First Amendment
3) Otis Redding
4) Snow days (if you don't have to shovel the driveway or go to work/school/anywhere)
5) Chocolate sprinkles
6) Red (the color)
7) New Year's Eve
8) Red (the guy's name)

(Editor's Note: Snaps on Morgan Freeman!  I personally believe anyone named "Red" is automatically 70% more trustworthy.  "Reds" are at least better than chocolate sprinkles, no?)

I ranked all twelve months a while back.  Where would January be in your rankings (1 being best)?  What's #12?
I'd say 11.  February's my #12.

Why no love for January?  Just hate the winter?  
I enjoy having four distinct seasons and I like different things about each season, but I'd say winter is my least favorite season.  December's got Christmas  going for it, but January and February are just plain cold without the holiday festivities.  I do enjoy getting to wear fun coats and scarves, though.

I did a "Monthly Playlist" throughout last year, and have taken a brief hiatus.  I need your help.  Give me 5 "Songs for January." 
1) Ryan Adams, "I See Monsters" (Love Is Hell is a good winter album)
2) Ryan Adams, "English Girls Approximately"
3) Chris Milam, "Coldweather Girls"
4) Pearl Jam, "Black"
5) Lucero, "Into Your Eyes"

You can move anywhere in America for six months.  Money, time, and job situation are no object.  Name the place.
I lived in NYC for a summer in college.  I'd love to be able to do that again, minus the working-at-Walgreens part.  I'd just wander around and take photos all day, every day.

You can move anywhere on earth for six months.  Same deal.  Same place, or do you become an expat? 
How about the entire continent of Europe?  Same deal: I'd just take the train from city to city and take photos everywhere.

Any tattoos?  If no, someone is currently forcing you to get a tattoo in a very real and dangerous way.  What do you get? 
No, but I recently learned that Richmond is America's third-most tattooed city.  I'm not really a tattoo kind of gal, but if I were being forced, it would be something small and not on my extremities, face, or lower back.

(Editor's Note: So, like a kitten on your shoulderblades?  I'm confused.)

Are you the first Lucero superfan to ever say, "I'm not really a tatoo kind of gal..."?
I just might be.

What's on your DVR?  What's reached "Season Pass" status?
Currently, I have about eight Conan episodes, The Office Christmas episode (couldn't bring myself to delete it), and a few Memphis Beat's from last summer that I still need to watch.  Season Passers include The Office, Conan, Outsourced, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, Parenthood, The Middle, Modern Family, Glee, Chuck, What Not To Wear, and So You Think You Can Dance, Saturday Night Live.

My fantasy football team name this past year was Spare Me The Stirrups.  What is yours/what would yours be?
You'd Be Surprised.

You are going out tonight. You are going out to do whatever it is you would like to do for a fun night of festivity and frivolity. This can include anything from running the Iditarod to finding the best schnitzel in Austria.  Anything goes.  You get to assemble your posse for the night. You can pick ANY FOUR MEN OR ANY FOUR WOMEN on the planet, friends, celebrities, athletes, etc. Who is in your entourage and why? 
1) Billy (my wonderful hubby)
2) Carolyn (BFF since 4th grade)
3 & 4) Conan O'Brien and Kristin Wiig, because I secretly wish I could be friends with them.

(Editor's Note: Why "secretly"?  I openly wish I could be friends with: Conan O'Brien, Paul Rudd, Will Ferrell, George Clooney, Nelson Mandela, Bugs Bunny, etc.)

Where will music be in 5 years? What will be the next "big thing"? Where would you like to see it go? 
I have no idea.  Chris Milam, I hope. =)

Finally, how can I ever thank you for the support?
Come play in Richmond!

Done and not done yet.  I'll bring the CrepeMakers.

Fan of the Month!

Ah, November!  For fall lovers like me, it can be an underrated month.  Most of the football season has passed; most of the leaves have changed; most of the novelty of crisp, autumnal weather has worn off; most of the new music of the season has already come out.  Heck, as great as Thanksgiving is, it doesn't even headline the holiday season.  If you don't catch yourself, you'll underrate November.  And that would be a grave mistake.

November 1 marks the beginning of a new season.  A sub-season.  A section of fall from November 1-January 1 where the most babies are made (it's true, look it up), the most couples get together, the most holiday cheer is spread, the most rom-coms are viewed on oversized couches, and (in short) the whole world becomes Snuggly.

Last November's FOM dubbed this season the "Snuggle Belt."

Obviously, this November's FOM had to typify all the month has to offer.  He had to be the very quintessence of snug.  He (clearly) had to love Tom Selleck.

I'm proud to introduce November's Fan of the Month, Whitney in Fort Payne, AL!

Name?
Whitney Chapman (Mr.)

Age?  
42.

Where y'at?  
Fort Payne, AL.

Something the average interweb browser wouldn't know about me is…?
Back-hair aplenty.  Sorry ladies, I’m taken.

The music scene in Ft. Payne is...?
Estoy rodeado de musica latina.

(Editor's Note: No chance Chris knows what that means--he's still working on English.  Watch him ask "for the readers" now...)

Care to translate for the readers who aren't bilingual?
The Hispanic population in Fort Payne grows daily. As you drive through town just about all you hear is Latin music booming from speakers worth more than the cars they are in.

Whatcha do for a living?
Associate Director at Camp Laney for Boys in Mentone, AL.

When was the last time you ate at Burger King?
Friday, October 22, 2010 8:35AM ($2.16).

Wow!  Tell me you keep a Burger King journal the way some folks keep dream journals.
If you consider greasy receipts between the cushions of my Honda Accord a journal, then yes.

You have one meal left in life but it has to be fast food.  You can pick and choose different items from different joints.  Name that meal! 
McDonald’s Fries, Rob’s Hot Dog Cart – Slaw Dog EXTRA mustard, Diet Dr. Pepper.

(Editor's Note: I love that all of these items have been given the proper level of capitalization/reverence.)

What is Rob's Hot Dog Cart?  Other than my next band name?
It's actually Lil Rob's Hot Dog Cart and it's located across from the Fort Payne Park.  He is usually there from about 10:30-2:00 most days.  Various combos of condiments are available.  He's a super nice guy and I like supporting him.

You have one meal left in life, period.  Name that meal!
Chicago’s Pizzeria Uno Deep Dish w/ spinach, pepperoni, sausage, onion, and extra cheese.

(Editor's Note: I don't know why, but this FOM is making me way hungrier than all the others.  Is Camp Laney secretly a four-star restaurant?)

What music publications/blogs/sites do you read? Any of them good?
Not counting www.chrismilam.com, zero.  Sorry, just being honest.

Pick your dream concert. Any three (living) artists, anywhere, any venue, any month, any time of day. What is it? What's it called?
Dwight Yoakam, Foo Fighters, Journey (with Steve Perry).  Closing night fourth session campfire at Camp Laney.  It would be called LANEYFESTAROO.

(Editor's Note: There's such a thing as Journey WITHOUT Steve Perry???  That's like saying SEC without Alabama, or "bitchin" without Chuck Norris.  You just blew my mind.)

I feel Laneyfestaroo's poster would have to feature a kangaroo.  Ridden by Dwight Yoakam.  With Steve Perry stowed-away in the pouch.  And Dave Grohl hugging a koala.  I guess what I'm asking is, how many kangaroos are at Camp Laney, and how well-trained are they?
There is only one kangaroo at camp, it does as it pleases, and you don't want to know what's in his pouch (I think you know this kangaroo).

You can pick one album as your morning alarm for a year.  The songs and their “wake-up” segments will shuffle randomly, but you are stuck with this album for a full year.  What is it?
Foo Fighters, One By One.

(Editor's Note: This FOM really likes his Foo, which is always a good sign.  Foo fans are like Canadians: unpretentious, affable, and probably on horseback.  Wait...)

If you could fight any public figure, who would it be and why?
Actor Verne Troyer.  I am a tad out of shape, so my first fight needs to be a sure thing.

Fill in the blanks!

Five favorite artists from the 60's are…?
Al Green, Johhny Cash, Mike Nesmith, Jimmy Page, Roger Daltrey.

Five favorite artists from the 90's are…?
Michael Jackson, Dwight Yoakam, Van Hagar, Peter Gabriel, Prince.

Five favorite artists from the 2000's are…?
Coldplay, Foo Fighters.  That’s about it.  Musically speaking, I pretty much live in the past.

Some more singer/songwriters I love are… ?
Hal Ketchum, Billy Joe Shaver.

(Editor's Note: I wish my name was Hal Ketchum.  From birth, that guy was destined to be a grizzled, wisened troubadour and semi-pro bass fisherman.)  

....is my favorite Beatle.  
Paul McCartney, only because of the "Ebony and Ivory" duet with Stevie Wonder.

...is my favorite adjective in the English language.
Sweet.

Know any adjectives from other languages?
Peligroso and grande.

(Editor's Note: "dangerous" and "large," respectively.  Thanks, tequila and Starbucks!)

...is my favorite month of the year.
October.

Favorite wrongly-heard song lyric is...? (e.g. "Excuse me while I kiss this guy...")
I’ll never leave your pizza burnin'.

(Editor's Note: The original lyric, from Rolling Stones' "Beast of Burden," is "I'll never be your beast of burden."  And now I'm hungry again!)

Favorite rock album of the 2000's?
Foo Fighters One by One.

Favorite non-rock album of the 2000's?
Dwight Yoakam, The Very Best of Dwight Yoakam.

Favorite movie (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Comedy: Midnight Run.
Drama: Quiz Show.

I can't believe you picked Quiz Show!  That's always been a favorite of mine and none of my friends have ever even seen it.  They're all, "what's a Rob Morrow/let's make up prop bets for Dancing With the Stars/pass the Easy Cheese, etc."  ANYWAY, here's my question: Quiz Show was well-received at the time (tons of great reviews/award nominations and some wins/decent box office/etc.).  But when people list the best flicks of the 90's, it's usually forgotten.  Why has this movie aged badly in the public consciousness?  In terms of what the movie's about, it's only gotten more relevant over time?  What gives?  
I think if Herb Stempel had killed Charles Van Doren and then morphed into a Camaro driven by Megan Fox as it escaped, it might have had some staying power on DVD and iTunes.  I joke because I can't answer your question.  I don't know why more people are not familiar with it.  Damn shame.

Favorite TV show (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Comedy: Arrested Development.
Scifidramady: Firefly.

Rank these items in order of awesomeness: Keith Richards, fall foliage, the state of Hawaii , Wing Stop, the right to bear arms, the right to arm bears, cinnamon.
1) Hawaii
2) Wing Stop
3) Fall foliage
4) The right to bear arms
5) The right to arm bears
6) Cinnamon
7) Keith Richards (sorry K.R. fans)

I ranked all twelve months a while back.  Where would November be in your rankings (1 being best)?
3.

What's #12?
May.

Rad--I think that's the first May-as-#12 I've gotten.  What's lame about May? You really don't like horse racing?
The greatest part of my job is the summer when I see the rewards of the hard work we put in during the offseason. May is the most stressful time of the year because so many details have to be finalized in preparation for the campers arrival. And horse racing sucks.

I did a "Monthly Playlist" throughout 2009, and have taken a brief hiatus.  I need your help.  Give me 5 "Songs for November."
1) Foo Fighters, "All My Life"
2) Johnny Cash, "Boy Named Sue"
3) Billy Joe Shaver, "I Been To Georgia On a Fast Train"
4) Dwight Yoakam, "Ain't That Lonely Yet"
5) Booker T and the MGs, "Hip Hug Her"

Okay, you clearly like your Foo.  I once posed a question to blog-readers about Nirvana and Foo Fighters.  Nirvana was transcendent but hyper ambitious and often frustrating; the Foo gives us the insanely likable pop rock we want from them every 2-3 years.  But there is no Foo (in any way we'd recognize them) without Cobain's death.  If you can go back in time, which do you take: Cobain living with the risk/reward of Nirvana being the Beatles of alt-rock over the next 20 years (or totally fizzling out and depressing teenager in America even more), or the awesomely solid (if predictable) catalog of Foo Fighters that we've loved post-Nirvana?
What is Cobain?  Is that like Advil or something?

(Editor's Note: Slam!  Powerslam!  Def poetry slam!  I've gotta stop typing now.)

You can move anywhere in America for six months.  Money, time, and job situation are no object.  Name the place.
Turtle Bay Resort, Oahu, Hawaii.

You can move anywhere on earth for six months.  Same deal.  Same place, or do you become an expat? 
Turtle Bay Resort, Oahu, Hawaii.

In Hawaii, college football kicks off at like 4AM or something.  How much of a problem would that be for you?
If it's Alabama, no problem.

Any tattoos?  If no, someone is currently forcing you to get a tattoo in a very real and dangerous way.  What do you get?
The Daredevil logo.  Huge fan of the comic book, but not the movie.  Affleck is awful.

You're the casting director: who would've made the ideal Daredevil?
It doesn't matter what the movie is.  If I'm the casting director, the answer is always Tom Selleck.

(Editor's Note: Agreed.  Nothing says "superhero"--or November--like a hearty mustache.)

November's sweeps month on television.  What's on your DVR?  What's reached " Season Pass " status?
These are my shows and my wife Rita’s, and all have season passes (mine are the masculine ones):
Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, Smallville, Supernatural, That Metal Show, The Office, Vampire Diaries, Parenthood, Days of our Lives, Mad Men, and Alabama football games.

 My fantasy football team name this year is Spare Me The Stirrups.  What is yours/what would yours be?
If I had one: Bluth Frozen Bananas.

You are going out tonight. You are going out to do whatever it is you would like to do for a fun night of festivity and frivolity. This can include anything from a global Scrabble tournament to eating a tub of nougat to arming bears.  Anything goes.  You get to assemble your posse for the night. You can pick ANY FOUR MEN OR ANY FOUR WOMEN on the planet, friends, celebrities, athletes, etc. Who is in your entourage and why?
OK.  So, I go to Washington DC to an empty White House. Me and my posse check out the whole house, including secret passages and cool gadgets. We then adjourn to the White House screening room and watch “Magnum PI: The Return” (which Hollywood has decided to finally make after reading all my letters saying they should bring back Magnum PI).  My posse consists of Jonathan Hillerman, Larry Manetti, Roger E. Mosely, and Tom Selleck, who happen to be the main cast of Magnum PI and Magnum PI:The Return. We have freshly baked deep dish pizzas beamed to us right from the original Pizzeria Uno Chicago location using the beaming gadget we found in the basement.  We then end the night playing paintball throughout the whole White House versus an unarmed and arthritic Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Keith Olberman, and Auburn.

(Editor's Note: We have to retire this question now.  WOW.)

That was phenomenal.  I can't believe no past FOM has thought of paintball in the White House before.  Well done.  Where will music be in 5 years? What will be the next "big thing"? Where would you like to see it go?
In 5 years music will have left behind the John Mayers, Kanye Wests, and Lady GaGas of the world for the next big thing that will unfortunately be copies of the John Mayers, Kanye Wests, and Lady Gagas from five years ago. I am not sure where I would like music to go. I imagine it has already gone there, I just need to find it.

Finally, how can I ever thank you for the support?
$2.16 to cover my Burger King meal I had on the morning of Friday, Oct. 22, 2010.  It was awful.

Done and done--the check's in the mail. 

(Editor's Note: Wait til Monday to cash it.)

Fan of the Month!

Longtime readers will remember that October is arguably my favorite month.  Past October blogposts have been loveletters to all things autumnal, crisp, clear, football-infused, pumpkin-flavored, and snuggly.  Last year's Fan of the Month for October was Sarah in Nashville, perhaps the only person on the planet who embraces "sweater-mode" more than I do.

Well, get the warm fuzzies out of your system.  This Fan of the Month is many things, but cuddly ain't one of them.  He's coming into the FOM Questionnaire guns-a-blazing, most of them aimed squarely at me.  He's enigmatic, surly, hysterical, and (by his own admission) "more than a little ridiculous."  He's larger than larger than life.  He seemingly likes everything but loves nothing.  And he's introduced me to something called "Batman Wings."

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to a man, a mystery, and a Fan of the Month: Ryan in Nashville!


Name?
Awesome Guy Ry-Ry.

Age? 
33.

Where y'at?
Music City, where if you want to be in the music industry you leave ASAP.

Something the average interweb browser wouldn't know about me is…? 
I left Facebook about 3 months ago, and couldn't be happier.  Also, I once competed in a public access movie trivia game show.

The music scene in Nashville is…? 
Too much country and too much (overplayed) classic rock.

Whatcha do for a living? 
Municipal Liason--you figure out what that means.

(Editor's Note: I just spent 20 minutes trying to figure out what that means.  I got nothing.  Courier?  Landscaper?  Soccer player?  Male escort?  Help?)

When was the last time you ate at Burger King? 
I couldn't even tell you (because Wifey is reading this).

You have one meal left in life but it has to be fast food.  You can pick and choose different items from different joints.  Name that meal! 
Wifey has all but killed the joy of fast food for me with the documentaries about the industry.  Buuuut, if I have to answer, here's what I can recall liking: Arby's giant roast beef, McDonald's fries, and large Dr Pepper ($1, y’all).  And how about a peanut butter sundae from Sonic.  Take that, Tummy!

You have one meal left in life, period.  Name that meal!
Johnny Walker Black, prosecco, rum & coke, bottle of expensive (thus, yummy) red wine, filet mignon (medium), and parts of three desserts.

(Editor's Note: This is fantastic: it's like his last meal is at a dinner party hosted by Caligula.)

What music publications/blogs/sites do you read? Any of them good?
ChrisMilam.com--s'all right.

Pick your dream concert. Any three (living) artists, anywhere, any venue, any month, any time of day. What is it? What's it called?   
Wilco, Radiohead, and Barenaked Ladies at the DAR in Washington, D.C.  It's an evening in October.  Call it: "Why Are They On That Bill?"

You can pick one album as your morning alarm for a year.  The songs and their “wake-up” segments will shuffle randomly, but you are stuck with this album for a full year.  What is it?
Wilco, Wilco.

If you could fight any public figure, who would it be and why? 
Are you a public figure?  I'd like it to be you.  I've always wondered who would win between us--a fight to the death!

(Editor's Note: I have been waiting for this answer to this question since the Blog began.  All I ask for every Christmas is someone to fight Chris.  I would give up a month's salary to see someone slap him in the mouth.  I'm giddy.)

I count--let's fight!  Is this MMA-style?  Boxing?  Street fight?  What are the ground rules?  Where would Vegas put the odds?  Give me your "tale of the tape" measurements.  I'm 6'1, 140, analysts say I "have a long reach and a blood lust and a death wish."  Let's do this!
I'm 6', 185 lbs.  Nothing special athletically, but a strong desire to kick the ass of whiny, cry-baby singer/songwriters. Street fight, of course, same rules as those in Anchorman: nothing above the shoulders, and nothing below the waist.  What’s that over there?  BOOM! Right in the kissa!  

Fill in the blanks!

Five favorite artists from the 60's are…? 
Beatles, Johnny Rivers, The Hollies, the Lovin' Spoonful, & Van Morrison.

Five favorite artists from the 90's are…?
Non-existent.  Or Barenaked Ladies, Ben Folds Five, Eric Clapton.

Five favorite artists from the 2000's are…?
Barenaked Ladies, Wilco, Radiohead, Ben Folds, Foo Fighters.

(Chris's Note: I'm so confused.  The 2000's artists all existed in the 90's, but "non-existent" was the first answer there?  Does Ryan love Radiohead, but hate The Bends and OK Computer?  Is that possible?  What an enigma this Ry-Ry is.)

Some more singer/songwriters I love are… ?
Ummm.  You want me to say Dylan, don’t you?  Not gonna happen.  I’ve heard "Lay, Lady Lay,"and it's good, but I’m not going to list him as someone I love.  Sorry, dude.  How about Raffi, Aimee Mann, Jim Croce, Kermit the Frog.

....is my favorite Beatle. 
George.

...is my favorite adjective in the English language.
Red.

Know any adjectives from other languages? 
Rojo.

...is my favorite month of the year.
November.  Not too cold, but not hot.  Baseball is wrapping up, football is going in earnest and tennis is taking time off.

Favorite wrongly-heard song lyric is...? (e.g. "Excuse me while I kiss this guy...") 
J. Geils Band, "Centerfold."  "My anus is the center hole."

(Editor's Note: We have to retire this question now.  Real lyric is "the angel is the centerfold," of course.  Listen here.)

Favorite rock album of the 2000's?
Wilco, Wilco.

Favorite non-rock album of the 2000's?
Brian Regan, The Epitome of Hyperbole.

Favorite movie (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Drama: Goodfellas.  Comedy: Spaceballs, The Man Who Knew Too Little.

Favorite TV show (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Arrested Development, The League, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

Rank these items in order of awesomeness: pumpkins, New England, Kings of Leon's "Notion," the sun, girls named Ashley, BBQ nachos, the Bill of Rights.
1) Girls named Ashley
2) Bill of Rights
3) KOL's "Notion"
4) The sun
5) Pumpkins
6) BBQ nachos
7) New England (I read this as a sports team.  If I took it as the area, it might be higher up.)

I ranked all twelve months a while back.  Where would October be in your rankings (1 being best)?  What's #12?
I'll give October the #2 spot.  August is #12.  It's so hot it makes my balls stick to my legs ("Batman Wings").

Batman Wings is the funniest thing I've read this month.  Cheers to you.  How much Gold Bond is in your house RIGHT NOW?
No Gold Bond.  But with the baby around, I have the excuse of buying Johnson’s & Johnson’s Baby Powder--the best stuff there is.  Currently I’m using corn-starch: “[it’s] real and [it’s] fabulous.”

(Editor's Note: "Batman Wings" + Seinfeld reference + challenging Chris to a street fight = best FOM ever.)

I did a "Monthly Playlist" throughout 2009, and have taken a brief hiatus.  I need your help.  Give me 5 "Songs for October." 
Seriously?  I don't know.  Songs about October, or with October in the title?  I got nothing.  You know I'm doing this at work, right?

Five songs for October = five songs that you like to listen to during October/fall/autumnal weather and vibes/remind you of Octobers of yore, etc.  Literally anything will do.  I feel like I'm on Celebrity Jeopardy.  "Write down your favorite color.  Any color will do.  You can even lie and write a color that isn't your favorite.  Nobody will know..."
Sorry, sometimes I get too literal.  Like when you had that Going Away Gig in Nashville and said you'd take requests.  I kept yelling out songs, but apparently (and no one told me at the time that I was being a jerk - not the soda-type jerk either) you meant your songs.  I didn't get that from what you said.  Makes sense, but I was thinking too literally.  Sorry about that, by the way.  So, here goes:

1) Rolling Stones, "Can't You Hear Me Knocking"
2) Matt Mays & El Torpedo, "Back Home Weather"
3) Rod Stewart, "Mandolin Wind"
4) The Hollies, "Bus Stop"
5) Michael Bolton, "When A Man Loves A Woman"

You can move anywhere in America for six months.  Money, time, and job situation are no object.  Name the place.
Cleveland, Ohio.  Because someone has to pick them.  Tell you what, you make this dream situation happen and we'll talk where for real.  Denver, CO, or Washington, DC, or your Mom's House.  Niiiiice.

(Editor's Note: Niiiiice.)
(Chris's Note: How dare you.  Both of you.)

You can move anywhere on earth for six months.  Same deal.  Same place, or do you become an expat? 
Oslo, Sweden.

You will live the rest of your life on a desert island.  You can bring with you only one artist's total catalog.  No other music can come.  Just one artist, but all the music they ever recorded.  Who do you pick and why?
Beatles, I think.  Maybe the Beach Boys, I don't know a whole lot of their stuff and maybe I could be cool learning all their stuff.  What about podcasters?   Could I bring everything Adam Carolla ever did on a radio or podcast show?  I do like to laugh, and that would be a funny guy to listen to.

On a scale of 1 to Chris-and-Michael-Vick, how big a fan are you of Saturday Night Live, historically?  Same scale now: how big a fan are you of the current cast/season?
I am new to your country and do not understand the Chris-&-Michael-Vick scale.  Are you guys the best on the and one is bad?  Because I’m a fan of the Cirque, and think the Beatles One is the best.

But I love SNL historically and currently.  Always have and (probably) always will.  People talk about the first couple of casts like they did no wrong, but that’s the “error of recency” talking.  They had some stinkers along the way like they do now.  True, it was all new at the time and the excitement of that was enough to be different from now.  And the show is a bit over-produced now (maybe overly strict in the scheduling of the show), but I love it just as much.  When Justin Timberlake comes on (and doesn’t sing), it’s some of the funniest stuff that’s happened on late night TV in quite a while.  Also, even though it’s only been one episode this season, I think this cast has potential.  Samberg is a little bored with the show, but Armisen is clicking, Sudeikis is solid as a rock, Hader is great even if rests on past impressions, Wiig (although over-used) is as good a female as they’ve ever had (yes that includes Gilda).  Amy Poehler was a great guest host to start with, but I hope they have a little more eccentric or lesser-known funny people.  Or Justin Timberlake.

(Editor's Note: Timberlake is to an SNL sketch what ice cream is to a dessert: automatically makes it 45% better.)

October's a rich month for television: football's in full swing, TV series coming back or hitting their stride, crazy election commercials abound, etc.  What's on your DVR?  What's reached "Season Pass" status?
I'm pleased that DVR has become the predominate name used for this machine, because TiVo was annoying to me.  Now, what's on the series record?  I hope you can find something to edit this, because I can't list all Thursday NBC comedies.  How about: It's Always Sunny..., The League, Running Wilde, Chuck, Rubicon, Jersey Shore (was deleted last night), Modern Family, Frontline (considering including), Undercovers, The Soup, Amazing Race, How I Met Your Mother, Lone Star (oops, too late), The Colony.

Wifey has more, but this should be enough.  Oh, and football.

My fantasy football team name this year is Spare Me The Stirrups.  What would yours be?
You are just the worst.  Fairy Tale Football is ruining the game for me.  I recently acquired an opaque piece of static cling to place over the "bottom line" stats ticker during games.  Now to keep the kid from pulling that off...

You are going out tonight. You are going out to do whatever it is you would like to do for a fun night of festivity and frivolity. This can include anything from corporate games with Warren Buffet to hijacking tricycles in suburbia.  Anything goes.  You get to assemble your posse for the night. You can pick ANY FOUR MEN OR ANY FOUR WOMEN on the planet, friends, celebrities, athletes, etc. Who is in your entourage and why? 
Nick Bakay, Tony Kornheiser, George Clooney, and Wifey.

Wifey would kill me if I didn't bring her (and she's good at planning a night out).  Kornheiser because I would love to annoy him by making him stay out and drink with someone he doesn't know, and Clooney would keep him calm.  Clooney because he also seems fun and would bring the "trim."  Nick Bakay--come on, wouldn't want to have Nick there?

What is a Nick Bakay?
What!  You don’t know this guy?!!??  Maybe he’s a little old for your ESPN viewing, but this guy used to do a taped bit on Sportscenter where he picked the NFL (with the point spread) and claimed he was “Living the Dream."  He also provided the voice for the cat in ABC’s Friday evening hit Sabrina The Teenage Witch.  My pop may recognize him from Seinfeld--the one with the "Super Stink"--the was dating Elaine and breaks up with her because the smell has glommed onto her.  Know him now?  Yeah, thought so.

Where will music be in 5 years? What will be the next "big thing"? Where would you like to see it go? 
Away?

Finally, how can I ever thank you for the support?
Do a show at my wife's birthday bash--FOR CHEAP!

One more thing, did I sign off on this being posted online?  I'd like to be able to sue you later for libel.  Also, keep up the good work.

Done, and--wait!

Fan of the Month!

Me and Julio--down by the schoolyard.

It's here! 

Fall's finally here.  College football's arrived, the NFL's on its way, new music abounds, it's 80 degrees and sunny, golden unicorns prance in the meadow, and all is right with the world.  Before you know it, Starbucks will feature pumpkin-based drinks, my cider shipments from Michigan will arrive, and I won't know what to do with myself.  It's the season of everything that I love, and all of it, and all of the time. 

I love September.

So it's only fitting that September's Fan of the Month captures the spirit of the season.  She is a cornucopia of soul and spunk.  She's equal parts hospitality and hostility, sweetness and snark.  She has three nicknames, eighteen different last meals, and an encyclopedic knowledge of September's goofy holidays.  Her cup overfloweth.  She makes the case that you can never have too much of a good thing.

She's the one, the only...

September's Fan of the Month, Allyson in Memphis!

Let's learn a little more about her with the now-infamous FOM Questionnaire:

(If you'd like to be a future FOM, just drop me a line with "FOM" in the subject.  I promise all emails are read and much appreciated!)

Name?  
Allyson/Alter Ego Suzanne /Ally to those under the age of 12.

Age?  
31.

Where y'at?  
Memphis

Allyson's dog never pays full price for late pizza.

Something the average interweb browser wouldn't know about me is…?  
I own a dog that apparently looks like the sensei rat from Ninja Turtles.

(Editor's Note: That would be Splinter.)

The music scene in Memphis is…? 
A hodgepodge.  It has a little bit of something for everyone.

Whatcha do for a living?
Let's go with Banker.

(Editor's Note: Weird how she capitalized that.  I'm getting flashbacks to Oregon Trail where you chose your occupation and always picked "Banker" so you could start with more money.  Suddenly I'm hungry for buffalo.)

When was the last time you ate at Burger King?  
Three weeks ago: cini-minis and an egg/cheese croissanwich.  Don't judge me.  Breakfast is the most important meal.

You have one meal left in life but it has to be fast food.  You can pick and choose different items from different joints.  Name that meal!
Wendy's fries with a Frosty for dipping, Double Stack (cheese only), BK chicken fries, a chocolate chip cookie from Lenny's, and a Cherry Slurpee from That Place In the Mall.

(Editor's Note: Wait, is she saying she dips her fries into her Frosty?)

Dipping sauce?

Wait, are you saying you DIP YOUR FRIES into your Frosty?  
Oh, this just makes me sad because it can only mean you've never tried this.  Yes, and trust me: it is fabulous.  Once you try it, you never go back.

You have one meal left in life, period.  Name that meal!  
Ricotta stuffed shells made by Mom.  A huge pot of Italian gravy, penne with creamy pomodoro sauce, and cheesy potatoes all made by my one of my best friends and best chefs ever Bill Swanger.  Also, anything else he feels like making.  And homemade Rice Krispy treats.

What music publications/blogs/sites do you read? Any of them good? 
Chris Milam will be the first.  I'll get back to you on the second part of this question....

Pick your dream concert. Any three (living) artists, anywhere, any venue, any month, any time of day. What is it? What's it called?  
Titled "Lil Bit O' Ever'thing."  Madonna (early songs only), Alison Kraus & Union Station (with special appearance by Robert Plant), and Michael Buble.   October at night in Bryant Park (closed for just me and invited friends).

(Editor's Note: This is interesting--Allyson's like the fifth consecutive FOM to make her dream concert performed for only her and her friends.  Seems everyone loves concerts, but everyone hates everyone else at concerts.)

You can pick one album as your morning alarm for a year.  The songs and their “wake-up” segments will shuffle randomly, but you are stuck with this album for a full year.  What is it?
Norah Jones, Feels Like Home.

If you could fight any public figure, who would it be and why?
Spencer Pratt.  The "why" should cover itself with the name alone.

I follow Spencer on Twitter and I'll be honest: he's kind of hilarious.  Still want to fight him?  And if so, who wins?  Remember, we've actually seen Spencer fight.   
Yes, because anyone who calls himself "King Spencer" and needs to compare himself against "The Situation" really needs a smack in the mouth.  I am going with me only because 1) I'm Irish and 2) I know I would sink to ankle biting.

(Editor's Note: Is now a bad time to mention I like "The Situation," too?)

Fill in the blanks!

Five favorite artists from the 60's are…?
CCR, Sam & Dave, Beatles, Etta James, Simon &Garfunkel.

Five favorite artists from the 90's are…?
Dave Matthews Band, Garth Brooks, Lenny Kravitz, Sheryl Crow, Hootie & the Blowfish.

The soul patch should've given it away.

You loved Garth Brooks in the 90's.  Did you buy the Chris Gaines album?  If so, did you like it? 
Chris who? (They say if you just pretend it never happened you can make it like it never really happened.)

(Editor's Note: Yep. Like Godfather 3, Friday Night Lights Season 2, and the Mike Shula Era at Alabama.)

Five favorite artists from the 2000's are…?  
Sugarland, JT, Gwen Stefani, Kelly Clarkson, Green Day.

Some more singer/songwriters I love are…?  
Well, Chris Milam of course. 

....is my favorite Beatle.
Going to have to go with John.

...is my favorite adjective in the English language.  
Snarky.

Would you characterize yourself as snarky?  Do you like snarky people more?  Or you just like the sound of the word? 
Personally, no, I would not say I am snarky, but others may contest that.  If others receive snarkiness and I happen to find the snarkiness funny then yes, I do like snarky people more.   And yes, I like the sound, too--it's British.

Know any adjectives from other languages?  
Several in Spanish.

What's "several" in Spanish?  (Ba-dum-cha!  I'll be here all night!)
La palabra para "several" in Espanol es varios.  (o varias si la palabra es femenina)

(Editors' Note: Anyone want to translate that for me?  I have a feeling it was snarky.)

...is my favorite month of the year.  
October.

...is my least-favorite month of the year. 
February.

Favorite wrongly-heard song lyric is...? (e.g. "Excuse me while I kiss this guy...")  
The classic mistaken CCR lyric, "there's a bathroom on the right."

(Editor's Note: From CCR's "Bad Moon Rising," the official lyric is "there's a bad moon on the rise.")

Favorite rock album of the Oughts?
Let's go with Green Day's American Idiot.

Favorite non-rock album of the Oughts?
Sugarland, Love On the Inside.

Favorite movie (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?  
Sliding Doors.

Favorite TV show (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?  
Picking from what is still on and not cancelled: Modern Family and Criminal Minds.  And since reality was not an option I will add it and list Biggest Loser.

John Slattery: better than ginger ale.

Rank these items in order of awesomeness: The Beatles' Revolver, John Slattery, jousting, fantasy football, philanthropy, ginger ale, the collected works of Ernest Hemingway. 
1) John Slattery
2) Ginger ale
3) Beatles Revolver
4) Philanthropy
5) Jousting
6) Collected works of Hemingway
7) Fantasy football

My fantasy football team name this year is Spare Me The Stirrups.  What would yours be? 
Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza.

I ranked all twelve months a while back.  Where would September be in your rankings (1 being best)? 
September is probably 4th.

On a scale of 1 to "The Way Chris Feels About Football," how much do you like football?  
Since I really don't know how you quantify a number between 1 and "endless, boundless, limitless, world without end love," I would have to go with...13.

(Editor's Note: I love her, Chris.  She's the best.)

I did a "Monthly Playlist" throughout 2009, and have taken a brief hiatus.  I need your help.  Give me 5 "Songs for September."
The Theme: September Holidays and Special Days.
1) Baha Men, "Who Let the Dogs Out" (in honor of Barkley the dog from Sesame Street's birthday)
2) Donna Summer, "She Works Hard For the Money" (for Labor Day)
3) Fats Domino, "Blueberry Hill" (for National Blueberry Popsicle Day)
4) Elvis Presley, "Teddy Bear" (for Teddy Bear Day)
5) "Fresh Prince of Bel Air Theme" (for Will Smith's Birthday)

You can move anywhere in America for six months.  Money, time, and job situation are no object.  Name the place.  
San Diego.

Why San Diego?  
Sea World, of course.  Just kidding.  You never hear anything but good things, so why not try it out?

You can move anywhere on earth for six months.  Same deal.  Same place, or do you become an expat? 
Spain.

September's typically when a lot of favorite TV shows return.  What new seasons are you looking forward to?   
Modern Family, Cougar Town (or whatever it's supposed new name will be), Glee, Biggest Loser.

Pretty sure this was my British lit professor.

You are going out tonight. You are going out to do whatever it is you would like to do for a fun night of festivity and frivolity. This can include anything from churning butter to fighting Steve Buscemi to falconing.  Anything goes.  You get to assemble your posse for the night. You can pick ANY FOUR MEN OR ANY FOUR WOMEN on the planet, friends, celebrities, athletes, etc. Who is in your entourage and why?
1) My best friend Shelley.  Shenanigans are always guaranteed when she and I get together.
2) Josh Charles, because he just seems cool in interviews.
3) Tina Fey.
4) Lindsay Lohan.  She can be "that girl" and anything stupid I do will look genius in comparison to anything she does.  And she'd give Tina some good material for jokes all night long.

Finally, Invisible Sam as the DD.  I figure I can throw him in and not have him count as a fifth since he is invisible.

I feel like Shelleys always bring shenanigans.  I feel like Dougs are always a buzzkill.  Also, girls with guys names (Blair, etc.) are often powderkegs, and Brittanys are attractive 99% of the time.  What one guy's name do you always means, "attractive dude" to you?  What one name is automatically repulsive? 
I applaud you for the Doug comment.  For your first question, I think I speak for all the ladies when I say...Fabio.  For your second, it's a toss up between Buford and Herbie.

(Editor's Note: I've never had a good Russ experience.  I've got a 100% success rate with Shannons.  And nobody named Blanche is under the age of 70.)

What is Invisible Sam?  
He's kind of my boyfriend.  He'll be at the next Chris Milam Memphis show.  Oh wait, he has a conflict that night and can't make it.  He sends his regrets.  Yes, I know that Chris currently doesn't have any Memphis dates set yet but trust me, Invisible Sam can't make it.  Weird....

(Editor's Note: What just happened here?)
(Chris's Note: I'm not sure.  Maybe it was snarky?)
(Editor's Note: Also, Chris does have some Memphis dates set.  Check the site for more details.)

The drink that's the taste of fall.  The ad that haunts my dreams.

Someone who looks like me once called Jack & Coke "the taste of fall."  What's your taste of fall?  
Hot chocolate.  Or a Vanilla Coke.

Where will music be in 5 years? What will be the next "big thing"? Where would you like to see it go?
Going strong.  I am guessing that kid from Ellen that apparently gave Justin Bieber a run for his money and stole his fans will be doing big things.  To infinity and beyond.

Finally, how can I ever thank you for the support?  
Lawn Boy for life.  Or at least the rest of this summer.  And maybe the next.  And half a turkey sandwich--I'm kind of hungry.

(Editor's Note: Lawn Boy For Life is now MY fantasy football team name.)

Done and done twice!  I only eat buffalo.

Fan of the Month!

August!  Ahhh, breathe her in: that mix of chlorine, truck exhaust, and greenhouse gases.  The dog days of summer, you say?  I say "nay."  That's the smell of America, people.

It's a month of hot anticipation: for football season, for a new school year, for Lollapalooza, for fall album releases, etc.  It's a month of extremes: scorching weather, major moves, fantasy football pre-draft trash talk, etc.  It's a time of madness: the days drift into each other, the nights offer no relief, the whole month melts into one delirious haze until you wake up, September's arrived, school's in session, and it feels like a new year.  Also, August is the month when all hugely talented songwriters were born.  Fact.

I love August.

And I love August's Fan of the Month.  She's woman of extremes (talent, passion, Jill Scott enthusiasms, etc.).  She's been known to induce delirium.  She's prone to hilarity.  She's open to madness.  She invented something called "Tessa-Bop-It."  She is...

August's Fan of the Month, Tessa in New York City!

(If you'd like to be a future Fan of the Month, just drop me a line with "FOM" in the subject.  I promise all emails are read and much appreciated!)

She wins:

The view from my old apartment.

A VHS copy of Mighty Ducks 3!
Nine pieces of gum!
The love and adoration of millions!
This handsome wicker basket!
Eight pieces of gum!

Now, let's get to know a little more about her...

Name?
Tessa White.

Age? 
29.

Where y'at?
NYC, baby!

Something the average interweb browser wouldn't know about me is…? 
I have an entire bag of stupid human tricks that include hyper-extending my hands, singing inside of my mouth, and a game called "Tessa-Bop-It."

(Editor's Note: Um, what?  Wait--what???)

Does "Tessa-Bop-It" involve you hyper-extending your hands while singing inside your mouth?  Does it involve a mallet?  Give us something! 

Ha! Nope, no mallet. It's a game that a dear friend and I made up, wherein he pokes a certain area of my body, then I produce a noise. The noises include: a horn honking, an operatic wail, an "ah-ooooh-ga" horn noise, and an "Ay, Papi!" exclamation.  I'll let you wonder which noise belongs to which body part. :) The game is on me, though, because he decides randomly where he's going to poke.  It gets progressively faster, so I have to really be on my game.

(Editor's Note: That answer was everything I hoped it would be, and so much more.)
(Chris's Note: Someday I'm going to pay the interns to tie you up and play "Editor-Bop-It.")
(Editor's Note: I'll brush up on my operatic wail.  And my Spanish.)


The music scene in NYC is…? 
Depends on what neighborhood you're in!  I live in West Harlem, just down the street from St. Nick's Pub, a famous jazz music haunt.

Whatcha do for a living? 
I am a singer/actor/visual artist/computer word and graphics processor.  Holla.

When was the last time you ate at Burger King? 
I do not recall.  I stay away from the fast food ever since watching Super Size Me.

(Editor's Note: Weird.  The lesson I took away from that movie was to distrust redheads.  No?  Wrong?)

You have one meal left in life but it has to be fast food.  You can pick and choose different items from different joints.  Name that meal! 
I'd have to say a Sourdough Jack meal with curly fries from Jack-In-the-Box, yo.

You have one meal left in life, period.  Name that meal!
My mama's Italian dinner with angel hair pasta, Italian sausage sauce, caesar salad, and Texas toast.  Made with love.  Delicioso.

What music publications/blogs/sites do you read? Any of them good?
ChrisMilam.com, baby!

(Editor's Note: Great site!  Best editor in the business!)

Jammin on the one.

Pick your dream concert. Any three (living) artists, anywhere, any venue, any month, any time of day. What is it? What's it called?   
It's called "Tunes for Tessa" and it's Jill Scott, Stevie Wonder, and Chris Milam.  It would be nighttime at Carnegie Hall, sometime in the fall.  And it would be a private concert for just me and my friends and family.  That would be righteous.

(Chris's Note: That WOULD be righteous!  Something tells me I'd leave that night a much wiser person.  I'm in--you've booked 1/3 of it.)

You can pick one album as your morning alarm for a year.  The songs and their “wake-up” segments will shuffle randomly, but you are stuck with this album for a full year.  What is it?
Chris Milam's Up!  I could wake up to any one of those songs for one year, easy.  Make it five!  :)

(Editor's Note: Alright Chris, how much did you pay her?)
(Chris's Note: How dare you?)

If you could fight any public figure, who would it be and why? 
In general, I don't fight.  But, if I had to choose, I'd love to give George W. a swift kick in the nuts.

Fill in the blanks!

Five favorite artists from the 60's are…? 
Aretha Franklin, Marvin Gaye, Sam Cooke, Stevie Wonder, The Mamas & The Papas.

Five favorite artists from the 90's are…?
Pearl Jam, Mariah Carey, Metallica, U2, Notorious B.I.G.

Five favorite artists from the 2000's are…?
Chris Milam, Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, India.Arie, Robyn.

(Editor's Note: Glorious.  If those five hung out, Chris would burn incense constantly and start all sentences, "That reminds me of something INDIA SAID...")
(Chris's Note: I do that now.)

Some more singer/songwriters I love are… ?
Amber Rubarth, Charlie Winston, Adele.

....is my favorite Beatle. 
John Lennon.

...is my favorite adjective in the English language.
Gnarly.

Know any adjectives from other languages? 
[Something typed in Russian I can't duplicate.]  Pronounced oh-chen.  It's "very" in Russian.  I know it's an intensifying adverb, but that's all I got.

...is my favorite month of the year.
December.

Tis the season.  Kind of.

December's the snuggliest month of all.  I have a tradition of watching Love Actually every December and melting into a puddle of hugs and sweaters and hot chocolate and mirth.  What's your favorite holiday tradition?  Any favorite Christmastime movies?
Could you be any more adorable? I think not. :) My fave family tradition is sitting around the piano with egg nog (Mom's recipe packs a powerful punch....see what I did there?) after the Christmas Eve church service and singing Christmas songs together until the wee hours of the morning.

(Editor's Note: Ahhhhhhhmmmmmmm...)

...is my least-favorite month of the year.
July.

Favorite wrongly-heard song lyric is...? (e.g. "Excuse me while I kiss this guy...") 
From R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion": "Let's pee in the corner/let's pee in the spotlight."  HA!

(Editor's Note: Actual lyric: "That's me in the corner/that's me in the spotlight."  Although, with Stipe, who really knows?  What is art?  Is art...art???)
(Chris's Note: How dare you?)

Favorite rock album of the Oughts?
I know it's kinda pop too, but I sure did love me some Missundaztood by Pink. :)

Favorite non-rock album of the Oughts?
Chris Milam's Up! Is it excessive? Am I being excessive with the fandom? I don't care. I gotta be me. :)

Favorite movie (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Harold and Maude.

Favorite TV show (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
The Office, Six Feet Under.

Founding Father, Scroll-Holder, Colonial Dreamboat.

Rank these items in order of awesomeness: John Adams, the city of New York, salsa (the food), salsa (the dance), John Quincy Adams, preseason football, 1964.
Um, incidentally, you've listed the order I would have picked.  :)

I ranked all twelve months a while back.  Where would August be in your rankings (1 being best)?  What's #1?  What's #12?
August would be #9.  December is still #1, with July keeping the #12 spot.  It's just too damn hot.

I did a "Monthly Playlist" throughout 2009, and have taken a brief hiatus.  I need your help.  Give me 5 "Songs for August." 
1) Charlie Winston, "Boxes"
2) Robyn, "Dancing On My Own"
3) Jill Scott, "Golden"
4) Amber Rubarth, "Chrysanthemum Song"
5) Janis Joplin, "Piece of My Heart"

You can move anywhere in America for six months.  Money, time, and job situation are no object.  Name the place.
San Francisco, CA.

San Francisco's my pick too!  Wanna go? 
Totally!! Let's do it! As long as we can make it a road trip and wear flowers in our hair.

(Editor's Note: If you can guarantee Mom's eggnog and a game of Tessa-Bop-It, I'm in!)

You can move anywhere on earth for six months.  Same deal.  Same place, or do you become an expat? 
London, England.

What's one thing you love about living in NYC that you can't find anywhere else?  
The massive range of thriving cultures and the (mostly) communal acceptance of them all.

What's one thing you love about somewhere else that you cannot find in NYC?  
Ft. Worth, TX, because it has my parents in it.

(Editor's Note: And the nog.  And the holiday singalongs.  And the Italian dinners.  Sigh.)

Summer's typically good for new music, but notoriously slow for TV.  What do you watch to get you through the dog days?
So You Think You Can Dance!

QUICK: how many hours til football returns?
Snore...

(Editor's Note: Snaps on Chris! Snaps on Chris!)
(Chris's Note: Snaps on me!  Snaps on me!)

"Snore" for football?!?  Do you sleep through all sports? 
Yes, snore for all sports. I kinda hate sports. It's a money thing. It doesn't need to be as extravagant as it is while so many people are struggling, ya know? But, I know you are a huge sports fan. I hope we can get through this. :)

(Chris's Note: We can.  We'll always have San Francisco.)

You are going out tonight. You are going out to do whatever it is you would like to do for a fun night of festivity and frivolity. This can include anything from dolphin-riding to Norwegian wet-sweater contests to passing out into a BBQ pizza.  Anything goes.  You get to assemble your posse for the night. You can pick ANY FOUR MEN OR ANY FOUR WOMEN on the planet, friends, celebrities, athletes, etc. Who is in your entourage and why? 
1) Chris Milam, because he's the bestest.
2) Jill Scott, because I am determined to become friends with that woman and sing with her someday. This could be a good night to get that ball rolling.
3 & 4) My sister Paula and my brother Jeff, because they pretty much rule.

DUI's, youth hockey, cake-eaters.  Disney: where dreams come true.

Where will music be in 5 years? What will be the next "big thing"? Where would you like to see it go? 
Chris Milam is the next big thing, folks!  GET ONBOARD!  I won't rest until he has gaggles of tweens stalking him and a mother-effing Grammy.  :)

(Editor's Note: "Mother Effing Grammy" was my family's nickname for one grandmother.  The other was "Meemaw."  True story.)

Finally, how can I ever thank you for the support?
That Mighty Ducks 3 VHS copy seals the deal.  Classic.

Done!

Fan of the Month!

Happy July 2nd!

In two days, our nation will celebrate its independence from:
The British empire
Despotic rule
Trans-Atlantic indentured servitude
Tea
Sophisticated accents
And more!

You get the idea.  I love July, for many of the same reasons I love July 4: I like hot weather, I like grilled foods, I want to marry BBQ (different from "grilled foods," dear coastal readers), and I want to live in a swimsuit.  Where's the downside?

Independence Day is a time to celebrate our nation's freedoms, and the sacrifices made to enjoy those freedoms.  So, July's Fan of the Month needed to have a revolutionary spirit.  I needed someone atypical.  I needed someone freewheeling and fun-loving.  I needed someone sneakily subversive.  I needed someone who will go on public record as "weeping uncontrollably during the Lost finale." I needed someone who wants to fight Beyonce, send Lady Gaga to a recycling center, and likes Brian Regan because everyone else likes Brian Regan.  I needed a man for the people, though not of the people.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you July's Fan of the Month, TJ White in Memphis!

(Quick housekeeping: I pushed FOM to Friday this month due to the Tour Blogs, which will start Monday.  I'll post from the road early and often, so check back on the reg.  

And, if you'd like to be a future FOM, just drop me a line: chris@chrismilam.com.  

Now, let's learn a little more about TJ!)

---------------

Name?
TJ White.

Age? 
31.

Where y'at?
Memphis, TN.

Something the average interweb browser wouldn't know about me is…? 
I like cheese and ketchup sandwiches.

The music scene in Memphis is…? 
Dominant.

Whatcha do for a living? 
Teacher/stand-up comedian.

(Editor's Note: God bless you, sir.  Two noble professions.  I'm starting a slow clap, and I invite you to join me.)

When was the last time you ate at Burger King? 
It's been a long time since I've had anything made my way.

(Editor's Note: Insert "so you're married?" joke here.)

You have one meal left in life but it has to be fast food.  You can pick and choose different items from different joints.  Name that meal! 
Chik-fil-A original combo with a large sweet tea, large waffle fries, and lots of BBQ sauce.

You have one meal left in life, period.  Name that meal!
My mom's holiday fare: her stuffing, broccoli casserole, green bean casserole, strawberry salad, turkey, pea salad, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, cherry cheese pie, pecan pie.

I love that every FOM's last meal is catered by Mom.  So you picking holiday fare, even if your last meal is in July? 
Holiday food is good any time of year. We should eat that stuff more often. It's so, so, so delicious.

(Editor's Note: I like it.  But if I ate turkey as often as I wanted, I'd never stop napping.  My annual productivity would drop between 9 and 85 percent.)

What music publications/blogs/sites do you read? Any of them good?
I don't read many, but if I did I'd read Rolling Stone.  I'm usually busy reading novels and sports stuff so I can't recommend any.  Sorry.

Pick your dream concert. Any three (living) artists, anywhere, any venue, any month, any time of day. What is it? What's it called?   
It’s called "Strange Things and Cool Stuff."

It features: Phil Collins, The Indigo Girls and Pearl Jam.  The latter two are the best concerts I’ve ever seen and I’ve never seen Phil Collins live.  I just want to hear "Sussudio."

The venue is my living room: an intimate acoustic set from everyone.  The month is December.  It's Christmas Day, because the show is my Christmas present. They’ll all be ready to play when I wake up in the morning.

(Editor's Note: I'll be honest, if this happened, my second thought would be, "AWESOME!"  But my first thought would be, "why is a guy who looks like Phil Collins in my house?  I'm going to beat him with a wrench.") 

You're a stand-up comic: who are some of your favorites, past and present?
Top 3: Bill Cosby, Eddie Murphy and Brian Regan.
1) Cosby: greatest storyteller ever.
2) Murphy: incredible material, impressions and also a great storyteller.
3) Regan: appeals to everyone because his material is out of this world and it's clean.  Everyone relates to it.  I saw him at the Orpheum a couple of years ago and it was sold out with a mixed crowd of young and old.  At the end people were making requests for jokes. He's amazingly good and absolutley hilarious. 

You can pick one album as your morning alarm for a year.  The songs and their “wake-up” segments will shuffle randomly, but you are stuck with this album for a full year.  What is it?
The ESPN Jock Jams volume that includes "Let's Get Ready To Rumble."

(Editor's Note: This is hilarious.  If I woke up to that, just once, I'd have a seizure.)

If you could fight any public figure, who would it be and why? 
I'm not too much into conflict and confrontation so I probably wouldn't want to fight anyone.

Lover not a fighter?  Okay: you have to fight one public figure or the world ends.  Who's got it coming to them?
Beyonce.

(Editor's Note: We at ChrisMilam.com in no way endorse this answer, but we've decided to post it, hoping Beyonce's people read this and organize the fight.  Because she would DEFINITELY take TJ.  We also don't advocate violence against divas in general.  Unless you're flicking Bono's forehead.  We're cool with that.)

Fill in the blanks!

Five favorite artists from the 60's are…? 
Stevie Wonder, The Who, CCR, Bob Dylan, and can the Doobie Brothers count?

(Editor's Note: Their "active years" were 1970-1982.  So, sure?)

Five favorite artists from the 90's are…?
Radiohead, Pearl Jam, Counting Crows, Foo Fighters, Brian McKnight.

Five favorite artists from the 2000's are…?
Kings of Leon, Avett Brothers, Timbaland, Pearl Jam, and Foo Fighters again.

Some more singer/songwriters I love are...?
Duncan Sheik, Jim Boggia, Dan Fogelberg, James Taylor, Ingrid Michaelson.

....is my favorite Beatle. 
No one.

(Editor's Note: Wow.  We found the one non-Beatles fan on earth.  But don't you appreciate Brian Regan precisely because of his mass appeal?  I'm confused.  Help!)

You don't like any Beatles individually, or you don't like the Beatles PERIOD?  And, either way, why?
Okay, here's my thing about the Beatles.  I like most of their songs but I never grew up loving them and not many of the individual Beatles intrigue me.  I appreciate the Beatles for what they did for modern music, but I'm not crazy into them.

...is my favorite adjective in the English language.
Gregarious.

Know any adjectives from other languages? 
Ochen, mucho...

...is my favorite month of the year.
December.

...is my least-favorite month of the year.
August.

Favorite wrongly-heard song lyric is...? (e.g. "Excuse me while I kiss this guy...") 
"The price of beans, it's bringing me to my knees.  The beans!  The price!"  --"Love Bites," by Def Leppard.

Favorite rock album of the Oughts?
A tie: Foo Fighters, Echoes, Silence, Patience, and Grace and Kings of Leon, Only By the Knight.

Favorite non-rock album of the Oughts?
Brian McKnight, Superhero.

Favorite movie (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Jerry Maguire.

Favorite TV show (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Lost.

Lost!  How did you feel about the final season/episode?  Satisfied? 
I thought the finale was amazing. It was so emotional. My collar was soaked because I was crying through most of it.

Here's my thing about the finale: if you went into it wanting answers to certain mysteries, you were disappointed.  If you were like me, you were more concerned with the fate of the characters, their relationships, and their redemption.  Then, you LOVED the finale. The thing about the mysteries is that not all questions can be answered--just like in life.  I think about all the great books I've read.  The best ones leave intriguing questions open for interpretation. That is exactly what Lost did. It's the greatest show in the history of television and there will never be another one like it ever.

(Editor's Note: I jumped on the Lost-wagon this spring and watched all six seasons.  I caught myself nodding emphatically as I read that last paragraph, until the "greatest show in the history of television" bit.  But it's cool, we've all got our own history.)

Rank these items in order of awesomeness: Independence Day (the holiday), Keith Richards, The Bar-B-Q Shop, running through sprinklers, Independence Day (the movie), World Cup soccer, the Declaration of Independence.
1) Declaration of Independence
2) Keith Richards
3) Running through sprinklers
4) Independence Day, the movie
5) The Bar-B-Q Shop
6) Independence Day, the holiday
7) World Cup soccer

I ranked all twelve months a while back.  Where would July be in your rankings (1 being best)?  What's #1?  What's #12?
December is #1, August is #12, and July is #7.  Or #8.  Somewhere around there.

I did a "Monthly Playlist" throughout 2009, and have taken a brief hiatus.  I need your help.  Give me 5 "Songs for July." 
1) Lee Greenwood, "God Bless the USA"
2) Neil Diamond, "We're Coming To America"
3) Counting Crows, "Miami"
4) Bob Seger, "Night Moves"
5) Duncan Sheik, "On a High"

(Editor's Note: Neil Diamond will smack you in the mouth.)

Aight, you're from Memphis: best BBQ in town? 
To be honest, it all tastes the same to me.  Everyone claims to have the best, but everywhere I go, I think, "hey this tastes like...BBQ." So, I'll go for atmosphere--I dig the occasional trip to Rendezvous.

(Editor's Note: Neil Diamond will smack you in the mouth!)

You can move anywhere in America for six months.  Money, time, and job situation are no object.  Name the place.
Boston.  Why not?  I've always wanted to check it out.

You can move anywhere on earth for six months.  Same deal.  Same place, or do you become an expat? 
London.  I've always wanted to go there, just to check out all the theatre for six months.  And I'd have to go to Wimbledon.

Summer's typically good for new music, but notoriously slow for TV.  What do you watch to get you through the dog days? 
Hell's Kitchen and Big Brother.  This is why God invented summer reading, which I'm enjoying more.  I know you don't want my summer reading list, but here it is: The Tommyknockers (Stephen King), The Passage (Justin Cronin) and Swan Song (Robert McCammon).

(Editor's Note: Of course we want your summer reading list!  We at the Blog love reading, especially when other people do it.)

QUICK: how many hours til football returns?
Too many--it needs to be here NOW!

You are going out tonight. You are going out to do whatever it is you would like to do for a fun night of festivity and frivolity. This can include anything from harvesting corn to people-watching in Belgium to sharing dream journals.  Anything.  You get to assemble your posse for the night. You can pick ANY FOUR MEN OR ANY FOUR WOMEN on the planet, friends, celebrities, athletes, etc. Who is in your entourage and why? 
If it's four men, then I pick the Four Jerries--the greatest gentlemen on the face of this planet.  If it's four women, I pick Scarlett Johansson to be cloned three times.  We're going mini-golfing, then to Six Flags.  Then we're stopping into Chucky Cheese for skee-ball.  Scarlett will have a blast.

Where will music be in 5 years? What will be the next "big thing"? Where would you like to see it go? 
The Next Big Thing is Chris Milam.  And I hope to God that Lady Gaga is gone.

If Lada Gaga is gone, where does she go?  What other jobs could you see Gaga taking?  Bank teller?
She first must go far, far, far away. I can't stand people doing stuff for shock value and publicity and saying it's about artistic expression. Music itself is an art. The way you present your music is entertainment. All the great musical artists let their art (read: music) speak for itself. Pearl Jam has lasted for decades because they make good art. They disappeared from MTV and the public spotlight and still put out incredible records that people loved. It's not about Pearl Jam's image; it's about the music they make as a group. So you're telling me I have to watch the "Telephone" video and be amazed because Gaga has beer cans rolled into her hair? That's art? That's not art--that's stupid.

So, maybe she can work in a recycling center recycling the aluminum cans she puts into her hair.

People like good music. They don't care if you wear veils around your face and dress up like some cartoon character.

(Editor's Note: Word.  But still: how's she selling so many albums?  What are people buying?)

Finally, how can I ever thank you for the support?
Let me harmonize with you on any song of your choosing (that's your song) when you play Memphis July 28.  Deal???

Done deal!  See you then.