Thursday, October 07, 2010

Fan of the Month!

Longtime readers will remember that October is arguably my favorite month.  Past October blogposts have been loveletters to all things autumnal, crisp, clear, football-infused, pumpkin-flavored, and snuggly.  Last year's Fan of the Month for October was Sarah in Nashville, perhaps the only person on the planet who embraces "sweater-mode" more than I do.

Well, get the warm fuzzies out of your system.  This Fan of the Month is many things, but cuddly ain't one of them.  He's coming into the FOM Questionnaire guns-a-blazing, most of them aimed squarely at me.  He's enigmatic, surly, hysterical, and (by his own admission) "more than a little ridiculous."  He's larger than larger than life.  He seemingly likes everything but loves nothing.  And he's introduced me to something called "Batman Wings."

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to a man, a mystery, and a Fan of the Month: Ryan in Nashville!

Awesome Guy Ry-Ry.


Where y'at?
Music City, where if you want to be in the music industry you leave ASAP.

Something the average interweb browser wouldn't know about me is…? 
I left Facebook about 3 months ago, and couldn't be happier.  Also, I once competed in a public access movie trivia game show.

The music scene in Nashville is…? 
Too much country and too much (overplayed) classic rock.

Whatcha do for a living? 
Municipal Liason--you figure out what that means.

(Editor's Note: I just spent 20 minutes trying to figure out what that means.  I got nothing.  Courier?  Landscaper?  Soccer player?  Male escort?  Help?)

When was the last time you ate at Burger King? 
I couldn't even tell you (because Wifey is reading this).

You have one meal left in life but it has to be fast food.  You can pick and choose different items from different joints.  Name that meal! 
Wifey has all but killed the joy of fast food for me with the documentaries about the industry.  Buuuut, if I have to answer, here's what I can recall liking: Arby's giant roast beef, McDonald's fries, and large Dr Pepper ($1, y’all).  And how about a peanut butter sundae from Sonic.  Take that, Tummy!

You have one meal left in life, period.  Name that meal!
Johnny Walker Black, prosecco, rum & coke, bottle of expensive (thus, yummy) red wine, filet mignon (medium), and parts of three desserts.

(Editor's Note: This is fantastic: it's like his last meal is at a dinner party hosted by Caligula.)

What music publications/blogs/sites do you read? Any of them good?'all right.

Pick your dream concert. Any three (living) artists, anywhere, any venue, any month, any time of day. What is it? What's it called?   
Wilco, Radiohead, and Barenaked Ladies at the DAR in Washington, D.C.  It's an evening in October.  Call it: "Why Are They On That Bill?"

You can pick one album as your morning alarm for a year.  The songs and their “wake-up” segments will shuffle randomly, but you are stuck with this album for a full year.  What is it?

Wilco, Wilco.

If you could fight any public figure, who would it be and why? 
Are you a public figure?  I'd like it to be you.  I've always wondered who would win between us--a fight to the death!

(Editor's Note: I have been waiting for this answer to this question since the Blog began.  All I ask for every Christmas is someone to fight Chris.  I would give up a month's salary to see someone slap him in the mouth.  I'm giddy.)

I count--let's fight!  Is this MMA-style?  Boxing?  Street fight?  What are the ground rules?  Where would Vegas put the odds?  Give me your "tale of the tape" measurements.  I'm 6'1, 140, analysts say I "have a long reach and a blood lust and a death wish."  Let's do this!
I'm 6', 185 lbs.  Nothing special athletically, but a strong desire to kick the ass of whiny, cry-baby singer/songwriters. Street fight, of course, same rules as those in Anchorman: nothing above the shoulders, and nothing below the waist.  What’s that over there?  BOOM! Right in the kissa!  

Fill in the blanks!

Five favorite artists from the 60's are…? 
Beatles, Johnny Rivers, The Hollies, the Lovin' Spoonful, & Van Morrison.

Five favorite artists from the 90's are…?
Non-existent.  Or Barenaked Ladies, Ben Folds Five, Eric Clapton.

Five favorite artists from the 2000's are…?
Barenaked Ladies, Wilco, Radiohead, Ben Folds, Foo Fighters.

(Chris's Note: I'm so confused.  The 2000's artists all existed in the 90's, but "non-existent" was the first answer there?  Does Ryan love Radiohead, but hate The Bends and OK Computer?  Is that possible?  What an enigma this Ry-Ry is.)

Some more singer/songwriters I love are… ?
Ummm.  You want me to say Dylan, don’t you?  Not gonna happen.  I’ve heard "Lay, Lady Lay,"and it's good, but I’m not going to list him as someone I love.  Sorry, dude.  How about Raffi, Aimee Mann, Jim Croce, Kermit the Frog. my favorite Beatle. 
George. my favorite adjective in the English language.

Know any adjectives from other languages? 
Rojo. my favorite month of the year.
November.  Not too cold, but not hot.  Baseball is wrapping up, football is going in earnest and tennis is taking time off.

Favorite wrongly-heard song lyric is...? (e.g. "Excuse me while I kiss this guy...") 
J. Geils Band, "Centerfold."  "My anus is the center hole."

(Editor's Note: We have to retire this question now.  Real lyric is "the angel is the centerfold," of course.  Listen here.)

Favorite rock album of the 2000's?
Wilco, Wilco.

Favorite non-rock album of the 2000's?
Brian Regan, The Epitome of Hyperbole.

Favorite movie (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Drama: Goodfellas.  Comedy: Spaceballs, The Man Who Knew Too Little.

Favorite TV show (you can pick separate ones for comedy and drama)?
Arrested Development, The League, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

Rank these items in order of awesomeness: pumpkins, New England, Kings of Leon's "Notion," the sun, girls named Ashley, BBQ nachos, the Bill of Rights.
1) Girls named Ashley
2) Bill of Rights
3) KOL's "Notion"
4) The sun
5) Pumpkins
6) BBQ nachos
7) New England (I read this as a sports team.  If I took it as the area, it might be higher up.)

I ranked all twelve months a while back.  Where would October be in your rankings (1 being best)?  What's #12?
I'll give October the #2 spot.  August is #12.  It's so hot it makes my balls stick to my legs ("Batman Wings").

Batman Wings is the funniest thing I've read this month.  Cheers to you.  How much Gold Bond is in your house RIGHT NOW?
No Gold Bond.  But with the baby around, I have the excuse of buying Johnson’s & Johnson’s Baby Powder--the best stuff there is.  Currently I’m using corn-starch: “[it’s] real and [it’s] fabulous.”

(Editor's Note: "Batman Wings" + Seinfeld reference + challenging Chris to a street fight = best FOM ever.)

I did a "Monthly Playlist" throughout 2009, and have taken a brief hiatus.  I need your help.  Give me 5 "Songs for October." 
Seriously?  I don't know.  Songs about October, or with October in the title?  I got nothing.  You know I'm doing this at work, right?

Five songs for October = five songs that you like to listen to during October/fall/autumnal weather and vibes/remind you of Octobers of yore, etc.  Literally anything will do.  I feel like I'm on Celebrity Jeopardy.  "Write down your favorite color.  Any color will do.  You can even lie and write a color that isn't your favorite.  Nobody will know..."
Sorry, sometimes I get too literal.  Like when you had that Going Away Gig in Nashville and said you'd take requests.  I kept yelling out songs, but apparently (and no one told me at the time that I was being a jerk - not the soda-type jerk either) you meant your songs.  I didn't get that from what you said.  Makes sense, but I was thinking too literally.  Sorry about that, by the way.  So, here goes:

1) Rolling Stones, "Can't You Hear Me Knocking"
2) Matt Mays & El Torpedo, "Back Home Weather"
3) Rod Stewart, "Mandolin Wind"
4) The Hollies, "Bus Stop"
5) Michael Bolton, "When A Man Loves A Woman"

You can move anywhere in America for six months.  Money, time, and job situation are no object.  Name the place.
Cleveland, Ohio.  Because someone has to pick them.  Tell you what, you make this dream situation happen and we'll talk where for real.  Denver, CO, or Washington, DC, or your Mom's House.  Niiiiice.

(Editor's Note: Niiiiice.)
(Chris's Note: How dare you.  Both of you.)

You can move anywhere on earth for six months.  Same deal.  Same place, or do you become an expat? 
Oslo, Sweden.

You will live the rest of your life on a desert island.  You can bring with you only one artist's total catalog.  No other music can come.  Just one artist, but all the music they ever recorded.  Who do you pick and why?
Beatles, I think.  Maybe the Beach Boys, I don't know a whole lot of their stuff and maybe I could be cool learning all their stuff.  What about podcasters?   Could I bring everything Adam Carolla ever did on a radio or podcast show?  I do like to laugh, and that would be a funny guy to listen to.

On a scale of 1 to Chris-and-Michael-Vick, how big a fan are you of Saturday Night Live, historically?  Same scale now: how big a fan are you of the current cast/season?
I am new to your country and do not understand the Chris-&-Michael-Vick scale.  Are you guys the best on the and one is bad?  Because I’m a fan of the Cirque, and think the Beatles One is the best.

But I love SNL historically and currently.  Always have and (probably) always will.  People talk about the first couple of casts like they did no wrong, but that’s the “error of recency” talking.  They had some stinkers along the way like they do now.  True, it was all new at the time and the excitement of that was enough to be different from now.  And the show is a bit over-produced now (maybe overly strict in the scheduling of the show), but I love it just as much.  When Justin Timberlake comes on (and doesn’t sing), it’s some of the funniest stuff that’s happened on late night TV in quite a while.  Also, even though it’s only been one episode this season, I think this cast has potential.  Samberg is a little bored with the show, but Armisen is clicking, Sudeikis is solid as a rock, Hader is great even if rests on past impressions, Wiig (although over-used) is as good a female as they’ve ever had (yes that includes Gilda).  Amy Poehler was a great guest host to start with, but I hope they have a little more eccentric or lesser-known funny people.  Or Justin Timberlake.

(Editor's Note: Timberlake is to an SNL sketch what ice cream is to a dessert: automatically makes it 45% better.)

October's a rich month for television: football's in full swing, TV series coming back or hitting their stride, crazy election commercials abound, etc.  What's on your DVR?  What's reached "Season Pass" status?
I'm pleased that DVR has become the predominate name used for this machine, because TiVo was annoying to me.  Now, what's on the series record?  I hope you can find something to edit this, because I can't list all Thursday NBC comedies.  How about: It's Always Sunny..., The League, Running Wilde, Chuck, Rubicon, Jersey Shore (was deleted last night), Modern Family, Frontline (considering including), Undercovers, The Soup, Amazing Race, How I Met Your Mother, Lone Star (oops, too late), The Colony.

Wifey has more, but this should be enough.  Oh, and football.

My fantasy football team name this year is Spare Me The Stirrups.  What would yours be?
You are just the worst.  Fairy Tale Football is ruining the game for me.  I recently acquired an opaque piece of static cling to place over the "bottom line" stats ticker during games.  Now to keep the kid from pulling that off...

You are going out tonight. You are going out to do whatever it is you would like to do for a fun night of festivity and frivolity. This can include anything from corporate games with Warren Buffet to hijacking tricycles in suburbia.  Anything goes.  You get to assemble your posse for the night. You can pick ANY FOUR MEN OR ANY FOUR WOMEN on the planet, friends, celebrities, athletes, etc. Who is in your entourage and why? 
Nick Bakay, Tony Kornheiser, George Clooney, and Wifey.

Wifey would kill me if I didn't bring her (and she's good at planning a night out).  Kornheiser because I would love to annoy him by making him stay out and drink with someone he doesn't know, and Clooney would keep him calm.  Clooney because he also seems fun and would bring the "trim."  Nick Bakay--come on, wouldn't want to have Nick there?

What is a Nick Bakay?
What!  You don’t know this guy?!!??  Maybe he’s a little old for your ESPN viewing, but this guy used to do a taped bit on Sportscenter where he picked the NFL (with the point spread) and claimed he was “Living the Dream."  He also provided the voice for the cat in ABC’s Friday evening hit Sabrina The Teenage Witch.  My pop may recognize him from Seinfeld--the one with the "Super Stink"--the was dating Elaine and breaks up with her because the smell has glommed onto her.  Know him now?  Yeah, thought so.

Where will music be in 5 years? What will be the next "big thing"? Where would you like to see it go? 

Finally, how can I ever thank you for the support?
Do a show at my wife's birthday bash--FOR CHEAP!

One more thing, did I sign off on this being posted online?  I'd like to be able to sue you later for libel.  Also, keep up the good work.

Done, and--wait!

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